To Sleep, Perchance to Dream...

Sleep. As a teenager, the word evokes a certain sense of longing. It's pretty common knowledge that we like to do it whenever we can...except for when we're supposed to. All these reports have come out about how teenagers actually need more sleep than almost any other age group, but who wants to go to bed at night when you can just do it in class?

Of course, this is a bad thing. Being awake and alert in class is very important, and most of us try, we really do. But sometimes you get to that point where you just can't keep your eyes open any longer, no matter how interested you are trying to be in the Crimean War.

So, here are some strategies I and some of my fellow students have used to attempt to stay awake (or at least appear awake) when those class periods just stretch on and on...

• Sitting in the very back. It's an age-old standard. I mean, do teachers even look back there? And you get the added advantage of leaning your head against the wall, so at least you're sitting upright.
• Blinking repeatedly. It makes you look kind of silly, but at least your eyes are open half of the time.
• Pretending to be absorbed. If practiced well, you can appear to be staring down intently at whatever is on your desk, seeming to be absorbed in the information, when you are actually dreaming about whatever they're having down in the cafeteria...
• The leg shake. Pretty annoying for the people around you, so it has the dual purpose of keeping you awake while bothering everyone else so much that they stay awake too.
• Sunglasses. While they're frowned upon at most schools, at mine they're used fairly often as a fashion statement. Look cool while taking that nap in class.
• Pinching/tongue biting/kicking yourself where it hurts. All rather painful, but they work fairly well.
• Finally, there's always that last resort: giving in. Sometimes there's no avoiding it. Just give up, put your head down on the desk, and do your best not to snore...or leave a puddle of drool in your textbook. Let's keep it sanitary, guys.

Disclaimer: Use these sparingly. Chances are, your teachers are smarter than you. At some schools, you may get in trouble. At mine, you'll probably just be made fun of. Either way, staying awake is usually the better option if you can help it.

Relic

When I die, I really hope I have a timely funeral. Yes, I know it's kind of morbid, but it seems like so many people lately just get carted around for weeks before they're actually buried.

Most recently, it was Anna Nicole Smith. She died February 8th and won't be buried until tomorrow, March 2nd. Anyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past month knows at least a little something about this (it seemed like that was all the media could talk about for a while). Anyway, the court battle took so long that they were beginning to worry about her body decomposing before there could be a viewing/memorial service. But, three weeks later, the decision was finally made and her body was released. She'll be buried not beside but on top of her son in the Bahamas.

Another is James Brown, who died Christmas Day and has still not been buried two months later. His family had problems almost identical to Anna Nicole Smith. There were lots of DNA tests involved, and court hearings, but his six children have finally decided where he is to be buried after two months.

All of this puts me in mind of medieval times (strange leap, I know, but go with me). Back then, the church would pay ridiculous amounts of money for the bones of saints (back in the day, these were the celebrities). It was a constant fight for those bits and pieces of bone and hair or whatever was left after those poor holy people were divided up and dispersed.

So I guess things never really change. I mean, is there really much difference in James Brown's gold casket and this?